I was destined to be pregnant. I was designed to give birth. I have eternal bump envy but lately I have been conscious of my age and my empty womb. I was never going to be a scientist or a world leader but I can give birth. My body knows how to birth by instinct.
There is power that comes to women when they give birth. You don’t ask for it, it simply invades you and makes you feel like you can conquer the world.
I miss being pregnant.
I miss loving my changing pregnant body.
I find myself rubbing my stomach and then remember that there is no baby there.
I miss the flutters of feeling the baby move inside.
I miss the excitement and anticipation of the arrival of the baby.
But I have two gorgeous healthy girls, isn’t that enough? I know that if I never have any more children, they will absolutely be enough. I am getting older now and fear I may be closing the chapter on the pregnancy and birth part of my life. I know nature might have other ideas but I am creeping closer to 40 and I am acutely aware just how fast my life has gone by.
Am I being selfish? I know that I am so lucky, so unbelievably lucky to have given birth to two beautiful daughters. I gave birth on my sofa, using hypnobirthing and I feel sad that I may never experience that again.
I need to sit back and enjoy the current chapter of my life, I need to look at pregnant women with admiration, rather than envy. I need to change my mindset, the same way you do through hypnobirthing. I can do this. I can, I am sure of it.
I just don’t know what to do about the ache of never giving birth again. I am not sure I can change that mindset just yet …..